Trail's End Week 5 2021

Today we are remembering why we blazed the trail. It is 7:45 am and I am sitting on the couch in my son's home waiting for everyone to wake up. We drove in yesterday (a seven hour drive literally through New York City) and saw our granddaughter, using her new standing skills, greet us with a tentative smile. She is so used to seeing us on a screen that the 3D version of us seems to confuse her a little. It has been about 5 weeks since we saw her last ~ 1/10th of her life. Her world must be whirling and changing so much and so fast that the recognition of grandparents she saw so long ago must seem like processing overload.

Speaking of changing...in 5 short weeks Tala changed from infant to toddler. She is adept at finding something steady to pull up on. She isn't even amazed any longer about her new found skill; it is just one more way to take in the world. Where being an adorable baby was once so fetching now being a curious and interactive toddler is captivating (and fun!). Tomorrow we will celebrate her 1st birthday. 2020 seemed like the year that would never end but the first year of Tala's life has offered me an alternative perspective on the year. It has whizzed by.

Yesterday as we were driving through snow covered Connecticut we were seeing an area we have come to know quite well in such a different way. The pitched roofs all covered in snow, the homes separated by more land and fewer fences, the snow banks on the side of the road making landmarks hard to spot; all transforming West Hartford into a Winter Wonderland. The only time I saw snow in my life before this was on vacation where we specifically drove to the snow. It is impossible to believe that we are in the same neighborhood I have seen so many times during many spring, summer, and fall seasons but am now seeing with a Christmas card lens. And giant snowflakes are silently falling from the sky.

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I am remembering how all encompassing time with a little one is. I was not able to finish my blog post yesterday because nap time ended; abruptly it seemed but in that predictable way babies take control of all time. Today is Tala's first birthday. Carly made her a cake for Tala's first taste of sugar, sweetened with maple syrup with a frosting of yogurt and strawberries. At first Tala ate each blueberry that Carly had used to decorate the cake ~ the only food she recognized on the plate. But as she dug into the frosting and then the cake itself, she became delighted with the new flavors. As a special treat (and to clean up the mess of cake and frosting and blueberries all over her), Carly gave her a "hot tub" in the snow bank outside. So many new adventures to celebrate her first year around the sun. Thomas and I felt so lucky and honored to be a part of it. One thing Covid has done is made us take nothing for granted.

It is impossible not to see my own child in my grandchild. She has Carly's eyes, clearly, but she looks exactly like my little boy to me in every other way. She is curious and deliberate in her actions with a furrowed brow just like her dad's. Sometimes when I look at her I see such similarities to my own baby pictures. She has my nose (as does Kiel) and her smile looks so familiar. I wonder how much the simple drive to procreate the species is tied up in recognizing ourselves and our own children in each subsequent generation. I experience it as love and a bit of adoration, but is it simply human desire to watch our own selves continue on into the eternity we imagine? Perhaps the magic of grandparenting is the ability to step away and wonder, instead of remaining embroiled in the routine day-to-day. May that wonder be sustained through the many seasons still to come.