One of the therapeutic tools I use in my practice is reframing a client's experience. Reframing, simply put, is about shifting the perspective someone has about an experience, a thought, a feeling. When a different way of looking at something is successful it opens up opportunities of understanding and insight that often allows for possibility, or, even hope. The trick is that it is not a trick ~ it has to be authentic in thought and it really has to ring true.
Here are some examples from three of my contemporary heroes...
“The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops. Eventually.” Winnie-the-Pooh
"Hey, takin' on a challenge is a lot like ridin' a horse. If you're comfortable while you're doin' it, you're probably doin' it wrong." Ted Lasso
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brene Brown
I am having the most difficult time reframing the experience of life in the time of Covid. I have put in my best effort. When stuck at home initially (eighteen months ago!), I used the time as an opportunity to do some things I never have time to do. I ordered beautiful jig saw puzzles and created scenes of Paris and impressionist art on my dining room table. Thomas and I took up running using an app called "couch potato to 5K". I experimented with cooking from ingredients I had on hand. When we figured out that this was going to last awhile, we bought a trailer and drove across country to see our Covid granddaughter. A road trip across the country had always been on the bucket list and Covid gave us an opportunity to do it three times! And, when we were fifteen months into it and the masks came off, we all delighted in a freedom and normalcy that we had sorely missed. But now, here we are, not quite back to square one, but close. It is wearying.
I really hit a wall yesterday when Kiel cancelled his trip to bring Tala down to see us in our new environs next week-end. She can't wear a mask yet, she obviously cannot get vaccinated and flying just seemed too risky. Of course it made sense. Now that I am working I can't just get in the car and drive 6+ hours whenever I feel like it. So, we collectively reframed the experience. We are flying to Boston on my birthday week-end and Kiel and Tala will meet us there. An hour and a half travel time for all of us, so very doable. We will stay in Cambridge which Kiel tells me is charming. Since I have never been to Boston, it will be an adventure of novelty and history as I have the opportunity to walk the famous Freedom Trail. Another opportunity that Covid has presented to me.
I do not think I am alone in my Covid fatigue. I read in the news everyday of ways other humans are acting out their rage, their fear, their sadness, their grief. Like the slow boil, we are just getting used to our circumstances and normal is starting to feel like this. But the reframe can be useful here ~ we really are in this together. As lonely as it feels being masked and not being able to see the smiles of others, it is the most collective experience of our times. We are in it with the rest of the world. Our common humanity has never been so important in the stepping forward day after day in figuring out how we move through this together. The reframe is in the increase in the kindness, in the compassion that we can muster for each other in this very dark time. As I walk masked through my neighborhood, I hope that those I pass can see the smile under my mask through my eyes, by the nod of my head and hear the muffled "good morning" that is signaling my hope for the days ahead.
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