Days 2-5 Trailing Back No Internet Service in Paradise

Death Valley ~ noticing magnificence and my age

Day 2: Driving to Death Valley

We are in Death Valley for two nights. It was a long drive from Paso Robles ~ the longest planned drive of our trip, but worth it. We made it to Death Valley as sunset approached, and the beauty of the shadows on the mountains as we drove through them to the valley was magnificent. That is a word I am saving to use only when I am in the majesty of a national park. Magnificent as if there really is a deity who designed all of this, who thought of putting all the beauty in one place surrounded by mountains to protect it and then striking awe in humans so that we would revere it. That is my church.

To my surprise there were many moments today as we drove through California that tears streamed down my face . And then I would snap back and think of regular things. And then I would cry again. Pre December 1 was my life in California and post December 15 is my new life on the East Coast. Those two weeks in between, the ones I am in now ~ limbo. I am nowhere but leaving my life in California; my friends and family who have sustained me my entire life (so far). I am nowhere but headed to my new life in Virginia/Connecticut where I will find a different sustenance. We both felt it. We are in limbo; between; nowhere yet.

And it turns out that in limbo there is no hot water. You thought I was getting all philosophical on you but snap back to real life. We have discovered that our water heater isn't working in the BRAND NEW trailer and we will be traveling across country taking sponge baths. Well Thomas has gotten his deepest wish; I am camping with him now. After the shock of that though, we are parked in a beautiful campground in Death Valley and we are making-the-most-of-it. I remember when we camped together in Northern California 37 years ago and sponge baths made it more fun. Wishing 66 was as open minded as 29…

Today we drove through Ridgecrest where the China Lake Naval Weapons Station resides. We took a very slight detour to go through there. This was where my mother met my father after leaving the convent and taking a job as a mathematician. She said it was like being a kid in a candy store ~ from nunnery to ratio 1000:1 men to women. TMI, mom. But really I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. She talked non-stop about how beautiful the Mojave Desert was when I was growing up. But I believe her memories were a little like my memories of camping at 29.

Day 3: Death Valley

Staying in a national park is nothing like staying at a KOA. We woke up to really see the RV campsite. Being Death Valley, it was pretty stark but the array of RV's, camper vans and trailers was so diverse. When we drove across country on I80 we stayed in state parks and KOA's. Our little trailer was dwarfed by the huge RV's around us. We joked that many of the RV's were bigger than our house in Palo Alto (really, many of them had 2 bathrooms!) But staying in the national parks there are all kinds of campers. It felt more like we belonged with our tiny portable living space.

We went for a hike today through Desolation Canyon. “Some scrambling is involved” said the trail guide. I am used to scrambling meaning climbing over a few rounded boulders in Yosemite not an 8 foot wall to get to the rest of the trail. The good thing about the 8 foot wall is that it made the 6 foot wall I had to climb shortly thereafter seem possible. The trail was worth it though. We walked through canyons of different colored rocks and got a view of the valley at the end. Death Valley is the largest national park in the lower 48 and much of it is at or below sea level. You had no idea what you would learn by reading this blog!

Another great thing about being in Death Valley...our water pipes didn't freeze like they did the night we were in Paso Robles. That was a good lesson because now we know we are in for some freezing nights ahead. The rest of the trip will get colder and colder as we head east and then warm up a little in Virginia. The most I ever learned about freezing in California was when I had to cover my lemon bush for 2 nights. I think we are in for some real learning about weather. Tomorrow the Grand Canyon. Brrr.

Day 4: Driving to the Grand Canyon

Well, we made a decision on our drive today. After we visit the Grand Canyon for 2 nights we are going to fast track our trip. We have plenty of food and plenty of warm clothes for a 15 day trip but we are really missing our hot water. Thomas has tried everything he can think of in his engineering mind to fix the hot water heater and alas… So, instead of arriving in Alexandria on 12/15, we will arrive on 12/11. I am so excited for a hot shower! Thomas washed his hair with ice cold water and said “that wasn't so bad”. Well I respectfully disagree.

I am such a wimp about the hot water and no shower for 11 days (admit it, you'd be a wimp too). I am reminded of Kiel coming home from his 8 weeks in Paraguay the summer when he was 16 and telling us he had to take a bucket bath outside everyday with cold water. As Paraguay is in the southern hemisphere it meant that he was doing this during the winter. I am officially owning my privilege now. The challenge I am holding myself to for these next 7 days is that I will not complain about this. Anyone taking bets here?

The drive today was long but still quite beautiful as we went from California to Nevada to Arizona. The highway to the Grand Canyon was mountainous and lined with evergreens. I felt so sad as we drove out of California but I am warming up to the idea that I will need to reinvent myself. We think we will always be Californians. I mean after 66 and 65 years of living only in California with each of us having a very brief encounter with Seattle, we cannot be anything but. We have wondered out loud if we will always be “the Californians” when we make some sort of cultural faux pas in Virginia or Connecticut. And will that comment be made with affection; will it be forgiving, or do we need to find a whole new way to be ourselves?

When we told Hilary we were arriving 4 days early, I was heartened to hear excitement in her text. She told me that she is working the week-end so that she can take a few days off when we arrive to “go Christmas shopping together and help us unpack”. I feel very welcomed on that end which is helping with that nagging limbo feeling.

Day 5: The Grand Canyon

We have been to the Grand Canyon once before when the kids were 10 and 12 (21 years ago). I remember feeling awestruck when I first witnessed the vastness and the beauty. It looked like it had been fashioned by Disney studios with the sun creating color and shadow for as far as we could see. We hiked two of the trails into the canyon then with hordes of others, the crowd thinning the further into the canyon we went. The four of us had dinner at the El Tovar restaurant overlooking the canyon at sunset. That was the trip when we also went to Sedona and the kids learned that if we stayed at a certain kind of hotel they could order smoothies at the pool all day and swim until they dropped into an exhausted sleep. A magical family vacation.

I was a little reticent to return. When a memory is magical it is hard (impossible?) to recreate it. But, you know, I have changed a lot in 21 years but the Grand Canyon has not. When we walked out to Mather Point to get our first glimpse this morning, the beauty, the grandeur and the magnificence came rushing back. We had intended to walk along the rim and drive to other parts of the canyon, but when we looked at it we knew we wanted to be “in it” again.

We decided to hike Bright Angel Trail, the most popular trail on the South Rim. I was a little concerned for a couple of reasons ~ we would wear our masks throughout the hike and I find it harder to breathe with a mask on, and we are 21 years older. I remember the hike all those years ago and how much work it was to climb out once we climbed in. Before you think we went all the way to the bottom; we did not. We went about a mile and a half down on each trail (Kiel and Thomas went an additional half a mile). Well, the old girl (and old guy) have still got it! We hiked down a mile and when we hiked back up we were tired, but we could have gone a little more. The hike made Thomas want to train to hike the whole way; it made me want to take a burro ride.

The canyon is a different kind of beautiful from within. We passed all different rock formations with a rainbow of color striations and saw the bigger formations from a completely different viewpoint. It was a panoply of color and shapes and natural beauty. We passed a family of mountain goats who seemed to be nonplussed by our presence. I could have watched them for hours. Hiking the Grand Canyon in December was cold but when we hit the sunny patches we warmed up in a glorious way. It was a perfect day to hike ~ no wind, few hikers and nothing but beauty all around.

After the hike we drove around the rim and went to some lookout points where we were the only visitors. We had a conversation about the comfort that we felt knowing that no matter what goes on in the human world, the Grand Canyon remains in its perfect magnificence with changes so unnoticeable to our human eyes. I said in an earlier post that being small amid the absolute perfection of nature is my church. I believe the comfort we felt is what some people call God.

Now back in Nessie (it is too cold to be outside; the downside of being here in the winter) we are anxious to get on with the journey. Now that we have shortened the trip it is just driving every day until we get there. The limbo feeling is oppressive at times and makes us want to just go. Thomas even suggested that we drive straight through. Of course, that would mean I would need to negotiate driving with a trailer and so far I have avoided that.

One of the most important things I have learned for myself as a therapist is that I cannot accurately predict how I might feel about something in the future. It is always just a guess based upon previous experience. Well now there is no previous experience. Like Covid, we have not been through this before. My prediction about Covid is that we will all experience a collective kind of PTSD when the risk is over. Right now we put our heads down and get through. My prediction about moving my life to the East Coast is that I have no idea how all of this will feel in real time. So, like existing daily with Covid, I am flexible. I am adjustable or I am not; I will understand this better when I arrive. And like I tell my clients, they are just feelings and you have no control over what you feel only how you take care of yourself through them.